Monday, October 31, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Not sure where Ive been for the last month or so since my last post, but I guess its just a summer thing when times are changing. people moving, people getting married, people leaving jobs or getting new ones. Summer is definitely a time for change and experimenting. People go on vacations to all different places in the world. Europe, Asia and even Canada. I know it sounds crazy but I actually spent a week in the Vancouver area. It happens to be gorgeous and with a little experimenting of my own there, for those of you who haven't stalked me on facebook, I went bungee jumping. It was AMAZING. Some others tried new things when traveling alone in Asia or traveling with friends to Europe, or maybe even having to have emergency oral surgery in south America.
Summer is just a happy time usually for all, with tons of weddings left and right.
Yesterday I think I made the biggest step to becoming a new man. You can take from that whatever you may want, but truthfully this step was to buy myself a Baseball Glove.
Now this may sound crazy, How could this be the biggest moment of the summer??
well I haven't had a glove since I was in little league, probably more than 10 years ago. Although i don't play baseball often, this is obvious since i haven't had a glove, I think it is a staple in being a MAN.
When it comes down to it, if people are getting together for a catch, in a park or on the beach and you dont have a glove, you just feel like a loser. Even if you suck(which obviously I dont) you feel lame when your the guy asking to borrow a glove.
Secondly, although i dont have a son of my own(at least to my knowledge, there was that one ocean city girl) when it comes down to it, A man needs to have a glove so that he can teach his kids to play. Its just a staple of manhood.
It is for these reasons that I am now a happy man, with a great summer winding down.
I hope everyone else can look back at this summer and see that they accomplished soo many things that will make them a better person. If not you still have a little bit of time until labor day to make this the best summer yet. Go ahead, road trip to canada to bungee jump, tryout for american idol, or wtvr floats your boat(maybe even buy a boat).
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Obviously What happens upstate stays upstate but certain highlights can definitely be used to brag about how awesome the weekend was.
First off I want to thank Joey and yaakov for lending us their houses upstate to tear into pieces and have the sickest time in the world. (also thanks to the frucht family and uncle Dave)
For those of you followers that understood my post about the MTV Rivals Challenge, I put together a similar game for the weekend pairing up a guy and girl on each team.
Pts system as follows
1st place of each event 5
2nd place 3
Davening with a minyan 3
Davening without a minyan 1
Putting on tefillin Sunday morning 2 (1 pt bonus if they are your own)
Same sex hookups - guys -20
Same sex hookups - girls 20
First girl to fart in front of guy 5
2nd girl to fart in front of guy -5
Sleeping in the other sex's house 3
Vomiting from drinking -5
Making someone else cry 5
Pranking someone while sleeping 3
getting pranked while sleeping -3
Being the first person to go to sleep for the night -5
Last 2 people to go to sleep 5
Getting told by jared to watch your language 1
Being called out for FOMO -1
Getting yelled at by Joey for doing something bad in the house 1
Shomer Negiah High five(both people involved) 1
Now there is Definitely an argument as to who actually won but what matters is that this was a ton of fun.
hours of basketball on shabbat, Shuffleboard, sat night BBQ at Adiras where Jared broke everything, Mud sliding in the rain, water polo in the rain, sunday night(we can leave it at that), potato launching - at night, during the day, while drunk, shooting at targets - mini keg and me hitting the lamp on first try. Raab chugging pickle juice, the ass off, many many BBQs, late night kumzitz.
I think that gets most of it, and if you want more details about what actually went down odds are you arent getting them until the videos and pics hit the web.
Til next time we take over Four Star Estates and wage war on Vacation Village with potato launchers.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
I will make sure to post all the incredible things that I will be doing to make everyone else jealous.
The first great summer adventure happened yesterday, when I went against all my rules and went jogging with other people. Aaron, Caroline and Myself decided to go running along the Hudson on the greenway.
Let me first say if you have never done this, YOU MUST. Its simply amazing. The view is incredible and when the weather is great, its as close to perfection as you can get in Manhattan.
After starting in the heights we had no goal in mind, just to get in shape for Warrior Dash. After realizing we had reached fairway, we were like hey wanna just see how far we can go and then just subway it back up.
Then on a crazier idea, we decided to go all the way to the UWS and go for dinner then head back on the subway. Thank god Aaron had his credit card in his shoe cuz otherwise we would have been helpless without any phones or money.
After reaching 90th street we went to Cafe Viva where we ran into some friends, and really just had an awesome day.
The feeling you get when doing such a great spontaneous run, and then spontaneous fun, is just pure bliss.
So for all those getting ready to have a fun summer just remember this key point.
Spontaneity is the key to fun. Just go for it and you will have a good time.
Looking forward to bragging about more fun things this Summer
Also I destroyed Aaron at the end when we sprinted up the hill at 90th. Sorry but I had to go there.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
It has been quite some time since I have blessed you all my abundance of knowledge of the world. I guess I have been too focused on getting ready for the end of the world this past week that i just wasn't able to focus on anything else.
Lets discuss this VelociRapture a bit here. So some 89 year old guy in Oakland is a preacher. He studies the bible many times, and then comes up with 3 holy numbers. After multiplying these holy numbers he gets 722,500 days. SO since the day of the crucifixion that was May 21st. Now how in the world do people start believing this shit. It took me until today when I felt reborn from surviving, that it finally hit me. Us Jews do this all the time. in 2 ways. 1st - how often do we follow someones opinion that we think know the Torah more than us without questioning it. They are the Rabbis they know what they are talking about and we blindly follow them sometimes without thinking. and 2nd - ever heard of a thing called Gematria, taking random numbers and making meaning out of them.
Topic 2 - Its been a while so im gonna cram a bunch of stuff in here
The Cereal Chicken Cook Off
Some of you may have heard that this past shabbat when we were preparing to die, some of us in the heights had a cereal chicken cook off. The rules were simple.
Make chicken using cereal as a coating.
5 entries were put in
1. Cocoa Crispies and Cayenne pepper - Joey
2. Special K with strawberries - Gitzy
3. Capn Crunch with a chipotle sauce - Doueck
4. Reeses Puffs - Reina (Aviva)
5. Capn Crunch and pretzels - Yours truly
Now I have been taking some slack for my lack of creativity since my chicken was very similar to that of a certain restaurant in teaneck, but hey at least mine was edible.
Every gave a valiant effort, but some fell very very short with the chicken really not quite hitting the spot. I will leave it to the imagination as to which ones were good and which were not, but with my homemade Garlic Mayo I was able to take the crown home by a landslide vote.
Topic 3 - Free concert tickets
Lets just say im on a roll right now. Things are going my way. Last week I was notified that I got 2 free tickets to see a live performance of Brad Paisley. This was in midtown on a rooftop bar and it was a taping for the Macys 4th of July spectacular. how can I say no to that right.
Then while waiting in line we receive yellow post its(who knew how powerful these could be) Everyone who received a Post it was taken up first and put right in front of the stage to be in the cameras view. And if you think it couldn't get better, I got him to sign my cowboy hat. So far so good.
Then this week I received notification that I got 4 free tickets to the Black eyed peas concert on June 9th in central park. So if anyone is around for Shavuot and is interested in walking down from the heights with me or meeting me in central park, I am accepting bribes.
The moral of this is I hope its the beginning to a great summer of fun free activities for all(but I guess if you want a shot at these things you may want me to sign up for you)
Okay thats it for now
Ill try to keep these coming a bit more often since people have been complaining they are too bored at work..
Some light entertainment
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Thats right folks, I am now UNCLE AVI. (Sorry uncle yonah heller for stealing your thunder of coolest uncle with girls)
My Brother and sister in law have just had a baby girl.
Today is a great day to celebrate.
Drinks on me later!!!?!??!?!?!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Well to all my avid readers I want to thank you for your constant support and criticism.
I will finally bless you all with a long awaited post for many.
My opinion on a girl in BOOTS.
As the summer finally begins the Boots are almost completely fazed out of a girls wardrobe, so after reading this you will be teased for the next 2 seasons until finally you can explore what I will explain to you here today.
Everyone has a different thing that they first notice when looking at someone of the opposite sex. It could be their clothes, their face, their body type, (their personality), or even their hair.
but some people like me are drawn to what type of shoes they are wearing. Not to say I am not focusing on other things, but if I am walking in the streets of Manhattan and I see 2 girls walking next to each other. One is wearing boots and the other is wearing flat shoes, I am instantly more attracted to the one in the boots. this is before I even see the face.
Now the first question you may ask, are there specific types of boots that are better than others?
All in all a boot is a boot and all are acceptable to me. But some are better than others depending on what else the girl is wearing.
1. Uggs - many of you may think, uch gross,and most of the time you would be right but really they have their outfits that work perfectly. You always have the classic Jappy high school girl sweatpants and ugg.
2. The leather stripper boot - you pretty much cant go wrong with this one. You have the zipper ones all the way up, or the strap ones, but all are good. Just don't overdue the actual stripper outfit which may take away from it.
3. Rain boot - wats not to like. In fact this is the boot I am personally most jealous about. If it was acceptable for a straight man to wear rain boots, I would be the first one to jump on that train. It would make walking in the rain so much more enjoyable instead of ruining a pair of shoes and pants.
4. The cowboy Boot - now this one is not that common, unless your at a rodeo or a rascal flats concert, but when pulled off with a pair of cutoff jeans, I mean what can be hotter.
5. Are there any other types of boots? If so please let me know.
So ladies and gentleman, you have now learned of my boot fetish that I have.
You may think its a crazy idea but the next time you are out walking just check it out for yourself. I have changed the way many of my friends now walk the streets of Manhattan.
But just be aware to pick your head up every once in a while so you don't walk into polls, cuz that would just be embarrassing.
For all you ladies I hope you will now be aware next time your are walking in the streets and you are thinking to yourself, guys are such pigs, my eyes are up here. Really we are just checking out your Boots, not your other four letter word body part starting with a Boo.
Peace out Yall
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
There is so much to discuss from the past 8 days that I will try to include everything.
First thing first I need to discuss how ridiculous we are on this holiday.
This begins on the morning that the Holiday starts when thousands of Jews are driving in the streets with their cars overflowing with garbage.
I have no idea what non-Jews are thinking here. How crazy can we be? We cant have garbage sitting outside out house so we need to drive it to a communal garbage dump. They really must think we are a weird group of people.
I can tell you this year me and my dad were driving with garbage cans filled sticking out of our trunk and one of them fell out in the middle of the road.
I Had to pick it up and shove it back in the trunk.
WHO DOES THAT????
After getting out enough embarrassment from that I start to get annoyed when I start hearing about all of this years changes to rules for Pesach.
When I start reading the new rules I cant help but just hate the entire holiday and think that it all makes no sense.
Here are just a few things that drove me crazy.
1. Soy Milk - Now if you ask any Jewish person if you can have soy on pesach and they will say No because it is Kitniyot(don't get me started on that which is a whole issue on its own) However according to the OU, if Soy Milk is bought before the holiday begins, then you can use it on Pesach, but it can't be bought opn the holiday. Now this brings 2 issues to my mind. A) If it is kitnyot, then how the hell can buying it before the holiday begins make a difference, and B) you cant just claim that since Jews are lactose and tolerant that we are changing rules and allowing them to eat kitnyot on Peasch, if this is allowed the so should all other kitnyot, obviously there is nothing wrong with eating it.
2. On a similar note, eggs and Orange Juice - Both of these do not need a specific Pesach kashrut, which makes perfect sense, But again have to be bought BEFORE Pesach in order to be allowed to eat. Where is this logic. So if I buy eggs on chol Hamoed, then these eggs may have come from a chicken that was eating Chametz food on pesach and therefore in the egg there is Chametz.
REALLY???REALLY??????CMONNNNNNNNNNNNNN. This does not make any sense. Straight up ridiculous
3. Gubruchts - I have no idea if that is how you spell it but here's my issue with it. I have no problem with you deciding to keep this. You want to to be extra strict and make sure the already cooked matza doesn't somehow magically rise again, go for its your choice. BUT, to say that on the last day this rule does not apply is just plain absurd. You are basically saying, ok the last day of chag is not real therefore I can eat matza balls and maztah pizza because the halacha of eating unleavened bread does not apply anymore. but then you may as well just be eating a bagel and cream cheese already. To you it is exactly the same thing, you just dont realize because it is a "family minhag". So just think about that the next time you are eating your wet matza on the last day instead of a slice of pizza.
4. Egg Matzah - Now this one I am open for responses, but I just dont get it. How can it be that we cant eat egg matzah on pesach. I can understand not using for the seder to be extra strict. But what is the reason that We cant eat this during the rest of Pesach. Is it because there is a chance that the mixture of stuff being used to make actually did allow it to become leavened? But on the package it says that all the rules are followed while making this, but if Ashkenaz it should only be eaten by children and sick. And Sephard should ask a rabbi. If someone can explain this one to me I would be much appreciative, otherwise I will continue to eat it.
I definitely have more but cant think of them right now and I want to give you all something entertaining to read.
I will continue later.
(Rachel sorry this does not end with me hooking up with a 40 yr old woman)
Monday, April 11, 2011
Thats right, there are no controllers besides for your body being picked up by the sensor. After recently coming into some money due to March Madness, Thank you UCONN, I decided to go on my urge and buy a system for myself.
Now I still only have the game that it comes with, while I am waiting for the other games to come in the mail, But let me just try to explain to you the amazingness of this thing. When you move your hands, your character moves his hands. If you jump it jumps. You can be soaring down a river rapid and jumping over rocks, or flying in a room trying to pop bubble like in Willy Wonka.
Some of the games have multiplayer where you compete as a team to break objects with balls, or stop leaks in a cage under the sea. And some of the games you can compete against each other side by side.
The technology is remarkable.
It has face recognition and can determine which person is playing and switch the avatar to the one that they selected. The system also take pictures of you while palying the game, so if you want to strike a pose instead of focusing on the game you can end up with some cool pics, or you can be cought in a candid photo and it is quite hialrious. Basically everyone needs to play this system at some point in the near future and realise what technology has been able to accomplish. Whether its coming to my apt or another friends apt who ahs the system, or going to Toys R US, just do me a favor and try to play this. You will not be diisapointed.
Also you work up quite a sweat doing all of this jumping, and sterching and ducking that it will def help burn some of those pesach carbs that we will all be putting on over the holiday.
Til next time,
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Things to catch up on. (gt the title now. Ketchup, catch up)
Working in Midtown is amazing. All of last week I was in midtown for training, and man what I would give up to start working in such a nice area.
Pros for working in midtown
- The area isnt washington Heights
- The women are all super hot. Whats the deal with that?
- Get to meet up with friends I dont always see for lunch, and go to a bar during lunch to watch march madness.
- Central Park
- St Pattys Day Parade
- The subway ride, I really dont know how you all do that during rush hour. Its simply awful, why do I want to stand for 20 mins some guys in my face.
- Food is much more expensive
- St Pattys was a fast day
SO basically I would kill to work in midtown. Maybe just get my job to allow me to come in late so I wouldn't have to squish for rush hour on the train and everything would be perfect.
In case you live under a rock, the NCAA tournament is now going on. March Madness is probably the best time of year. No one works, they all pretend to and just watch the games. EVERYONE cares about who wins. Even your coworker whose a girl, who has never said a word to you and you think is the nerdiest person in the world will jump out of her chair at that buzzer beater. Its insane. And this year, the tourny has not ceased to amaze.
So far one of my 3 brackets along with many other have already been busted, with losses of PITT, ND, and Purdue the whole thing has been flipped upside down.
BUTLER again REALLY???????? wow.
I know some of you took part with me in this last purim experience, but some of us
ie. myself are still trying to peace everytyhign back together.
I will post later this week with a recap of the amazing holiday and this years costume Dos and Donts.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Ladies and Gentleman!!!!!!!!!!! Ding Ding Ding
LETS GET READY TO RUMBLEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well im sure by now most of you have seen the new Maccabeats Purim Video. They make another valiant effort at trying to change the way the world will look at Jewish holidays.
Now some of you may know about my feelings towards the maccabeats, but one thing I cant argue with is the success of the first video. The video was amazing and did a great job at teaching the story of Chanukah. This next one, has the problem of trying to follow the best act on stage, not an easy thing to do. Uri you really started off on top and I truly wish you the best but trying to stay at the level of the first one will be a very tough feat.
But what you may not be aware of is that another accapella group in Israel also had the same idea. And the craziest part is, they even did it to the same song Pink - raise Your glass.
So I say, lets take it to the polls. Below are the links to the 2 videos. Watch them both if you have not yet already and respond back with opinions on which one you feel is better and in what ways.
Special shout out to Matt for actually having a talking part in this one. Congrats man, soon enough on Broadway.
(Uri you can thank me later for getting you all these extra views)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
We are beginning to reach an interesting time in our lives with regards to dressing up. As a kid your parents always made sure you had something. Then in high school you kinda dressed up a lil, just enough to get the girl you have a crush on to notice you.
As you can see in this photo, my first year out of college I still went all out. I had what some people have told me one of the best costumes they have ever seen. Granted I have an unfair advantage of actually looking like the actor but still.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
So sorry for the long delay in posts, but sometimes even i get busy at work.
After eating lunch with some friends of mine last week an interesting topic came up that I would like to propose.
This was not my original idea I am just expanding the Idea.
So we all know about shidduch dating. I have spoken about it in the blog, we all dream about it, basically we just cant get enough of the shidduch world. But just for a moment lets take a different type of setting up into our minds.
Every once in a while, we all need to relieve some sexual tension. Lets be honest, its all there. So instead of being set up on a date. Why not set up 2 friends that you think would be a great hook up. You know that in the end it cant work out, but they are two good looking people, who have been a little lonely lately and could use a nice stress relief. This is why we have created the JFFF, Just For Fun Foundation.
Take the shidduch resume and turn it into, how long its been since they have last been with someone. And take notes on what type of person they are attracted to.
We will also be taking applications for beds. After all not all peoples roommates will allow people of the opposite sex to sleepover, so If people are willing to lend out a bedroom for the night, we will be keeping an inventory. Especially for those kids that are still in YU and Stern we dont want to force them do be doing anything in the heights lounge or anything.
So for anyone interested in opening up their homes, to help out those less fortunate please let me know so I can start the database.
We will have special shadchanim who will try their best to set up people that will only be no string attached. We dont want anyone to start falling for one another on our watch, since that is not our goal.
To apply to the JFFF please email a photo of yourself, the date that you last got any, and what type of person you are looking for. We will allow for same gender requests as well.
FGOV's I know you are reading this, so when you are in your vacation paradise feel free to contact us then and we can hook you up.
Monday, February 21, 2011
You guys ever see the commercial on TV where they talk about making the toilet paper without the cardboard center. They say that in a year the US goes through 17 billion rolls.
That got me thinking. According to the US Census bureau, as of today there are
U.S. 310,863,075 people.
Now lets calculate this.
17 billion rolls.
12 months in a year, leaves us with 1,416,666,666.66 rolls per month. Approximately 1.4 billion.
Then lets average out 30 days in a month. Leaves us with 47,222,222.22. Approximately 47 million rolls per day.
Now we are saying that 310 million people using 47 million rolls
This means that it takes 6.58 people per roll per day of the year.
Lets really think about this for a minute. This is saying that every 6.5 people go through a roll in a day. Now I can tell you that seems a little insane to me. I dont know about you but I think that I am pretty regular when it come to going to the bathroom, and it take me more than 6.5 days to finish a roll of toilet paper.
So who is to blame for this issue.
Women I am looking at you. Us men are able to go to the bathroom many times during the day without using any toilet paper, we think about the environment when using a urinal. Do you think we enjoy using urinals. Do you understand the splash back capabilities of a toilet shaped in that manner? But we as protectors of the environment decide it is worth the risk.
But you women, do you actually care about our environment, Using up I would have to say at least twice as much toilet paper as the average man. Not only do you use toilet paper every time you enter the bathroom, but you also go to the bathroom more. you have to learn how to control your bladders. In a 3 hour car ride, there is no reason to stop twice for a restroom.
Just think about the children the next time you are using up one of the 17billion rolls of toilet paper in the world. What will be left for them if we kill all the trees and pollute the world with all the cardboard rolls.
Oh the Humanity.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
If you dont know what I am talking about, check out the post here.
These are the true bachelors that were left off, that are leaving the girls wanting more.
And I will add the Yeshiva's in Israel that they went to so you can see what the person is really like.
11. Myself (Gush)- I know this is not part of the top 10, but I had to include myself here. I dont want to rank myself in the top 10 otherwise people would think this blog made my ego even larger(which most people didnt even think could be possible), so Ill take the 11th spot here, even though we all know I should be number 1.
10. Michael Jared Sanders (N/A)- you may know him from the YU tennis team, or from being the productions guy at YU for the last 17 years. But this fellow want to be is a great man. After coming into our lives on Labor Day, he has been a great addition to the Heights scene. Only issue though, which is why you are down at the bottom.....Ladies, hes from Canada.
9. Asher Morris(Mivaseret) - This strapping man, is a paramedic and EMT in Atlanta. If you want your husband to cure you every time your sick, this is your man. Not only can he ride a bike for miles, while saving peoples lives, but he also is a coordinator for Active Minds. Always good for people to have active minds, you wouldnt want to be dating someone whose totally boring and mind doesnt work...right.
8. JB Hollander(Torat Chaim) - I know your reading this, dont pretend that your not. JB is probably the funniest guy you will ever meet. Ladies if you want to laugh for the rest of your life, this is you man. Not only did he run Dougie Dougs Cafe and Chop Chop, he also sports the jew fro to perfection. He has now taken his basketball and comedic stardom to Baltimore, where he is waiting for you girls to hunt him down.
7. Danny Krasna(Lev Hatorah) - We all know the Kras man. He even has a Shlock Rock song written about him, how cool is that. After fleeing YU and getting a degree from Queens, He is now living in Boca, where he has a job working at a bank. Big money ladies, if you are interested in the long distance.
6. Avi Gilboa(Eretz Hatzvi) - Lets be honest girls, we've all seen that you cant control yourselves around this guy. None of us guys will ever understand what it is, but he has "IT". His inability to feel pain, and amazing family values, leave you wanting more every time(as long as he doesnt have that disgusting mustache). He is now in the Israeli Army, where it will take a strong woman to finally get this wild beast to settle down.
5. Yedidya Silber(Ohr Dovid) - Well ladies, let your hearts out. Not only is this guy good looking, but he even gave up part of his body to save a life. He's always super tan, and now even teaches kindergarten kids. If that doesnt sound great then what does. He also is a graphic design artist so he design your future benchers and Ketubah for the wedding. he lives in florida, so you FGOV's better be ready for a vacation boyfriend.
4. Moe Abraham(Mivaseret) - Many of you reading this may not know him, but you should. Not only is he an avid reader of this blog, but he also a hell of a dodgeball player. He has experienced it all, from black hats to knit kippah so he has a great understanding of everyones beliefs. As our lone member on this list living on the upper west side, ladies you better move fast before hes gone.
3. Mike P For 3 Porcelain(Lev Hatorah)- You guys may remember him. He was one of the cool guys, Head RA of Morg, always make us laugh. Then he decided to make Aliyah. Although I hate him for that, I still love the guy. Who wouldnt want to get on this. Working for birthright, he can get you a free trip maybe. And after learning how to fix tanks in the army, nothing can stop him and his Fantastic abilities.
2. Matthew aka Matityahu Schwartz(Gush) - Well girls I know you've all been waiting for this one. The cream of the crop. Tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, smile of an angel. We all know hes the girls first choice. After becoming a General in the Israeli army and now basically running YU, he is the ultimate catch(yes I know hes still in YU, but hell graduate at some point). All i ask is give the rest of a chance before falling for him.
And finally our number one bachelor....Drumroll Please.
I know what you are thinking who can beat out Matt.
1. Ari Berkower(Gush) - If you dont know who this is, I wouldnt be surprised. I doubt he will read this either cuz if he dd he would probably kill me. But Berk is a great guy, finishing up Dental school at Columbia, this young man has finally met some Gentiles and is actually friends with them. Who would have ever though how much this child grew into a man. Hes got a great Jewfroh, and some really cute sisters out in staten Island.
I hope you Ladies check your resume's to see if anyone of these fine gents match your descriptions of a man. And then we can have a vote about whose list of eligible bachelors are more worthy of the title.
Until the next post, where I may or may not be ranking the most eligible ladies....
Monday, February 14, 2011
Now onto some more fun situations that I can relate to a lot more.
The more modern scene.
Anyone who has even spoken to someone single living in nyc knows about the situation. On the UWS and in the Heights there are countless amounts of single men and women all looking to get married, YET, nobody is. Everyone falls into that situation of the dreaded “FRIEND ZONE” dun dun dundun(gloomy music). We’ve all been part of it and witnessed it. Therefore, I wont waste anymore time talking about it, rather just make fun of the shidduch world of these ppl.
How often have you heard this situation happen to someone you know, or even yourself
“Hey Moshe, you know I was thinking I have the perfect girl for you”
“Oh really Shmuel, who? Whats her deal?”
“Well actually I don’t know her that well, but you are both tall, so I think it could work”
“Well you are both sphardi so I think it would be a good idea”
Or my personal Favorite
“Why don’t you go out with Esti?”
“Shmuel how did you even come up with that idea, why would you think that’s a good idea?”
“Well Moshe, I saw you 2 talking in shul, so I thought why not”
How is this what the world has come to. Two people are tall and therefore would be a good match. Or the fact that you can carry a conversation with someone from the opposite sex means you would be a good fit?????REALLY??????????????
If you actually want to set up a friend of yours, try to put some actual thought into things instead of just being stupid. And also this goes for both guys and girls, when asking a friend if they want to be set up with someone, make sure to put NO pressure on the person and give them an out. Because how many times has a friend tried setting you up with someone that you don’t find remotely attractive but yet you don’t know how to say No without hurting their friends feelings, so you make up the excuse of
“I’m actually trying to figure things out right now”,
or “im actually not dating now”.
Granted the girls just go on the dates anyway cuz they feel bad even saying that, go and get a free meal and then just turn the guy down for a second date.
Other fun situations for us modern folk, arise at the singles events. We’ve all been there done that as well, gone to plenty of singles events, either at shuls or friends parties or einstien casino nights. These events bring out a great group of people, they really do. You get a lot of diversity of different types of people. You get girls with skirts, pants, tshirts, sweaters. You get guys in jeans, shabbat clothing and you get everyone from the jocks to the creeps.
My issue with these events are that although they are setup so that you can meet new ppl and maybe hit it off, its almost impossible to do so. When you are in such a large crowd its very hard to focus on just meeting one person. Your eyes are always floating around looking for either someone better to talk to, cuz who knows who else is out there or just looking for that friend of yours that you know is there and you haven’t seen in 2 months. If you want to actually meet someone at an event like that it must all take place through a friend. Which sometimes does work out, but these are things that I think people need to realize when they go into events like that. Don’t expect to just go and meet the perfect match. If you do, you'll just get depressed that another event passed by and you failed again. Or get angry at events like this, and blame the system. Just take the events for what they are. Enjoy hanging out with friends and maybe you could come along 1 or 2 new people in the evening.
Again people reading this, I hope that whatever means you chose to find your bashert, you are happy with and everyone should feel comfortable doing whatever they like.
Cant we just go back to the good ol days, meet a girl at a diner, buy her milkshake, take her to a movie. Next thing you know you have spent 25 cents and you have a nice girlfriend. (hint hint, if anyone is interested in a milkshake and movie this week with me, let me know)
And for those of you reading this that may still be in YU or Stern you can just ride the Shiduch Shuttle every night. I heard that 60% of the time, it works everytime. And if that fails then you have the next 2 weeks to hit up the Seforim Sale over by YU. After that, may god help us all.
Friday, February 11, 2011
It takes two to make it out of sight
Well Guys, I think that we all knew this topic would make the table at some point. So may as well get it out of the way now.
How can a group of Jews be discussing any topic without getting onto the shidduch crisis. I mean when you think about what we are going through her in New York City, I cant help but laugh at the “Troubles in Egypt”. I mean cmon, who cares about riots and the government there, when we are sitting here in Manhattan wasting away with good friends of the opposite sex never getting married, and living out our lonely lives while we spend all day working to hard to even think. We need to start focusing on this major issue, only then can we worry about the troubles of the world.
I will try to approach this topic from the men and woman’s side of things, as well as the more religious and more modern sides.
To start we will go with the more religious side of things. Not Sure if you all know, but when they say oh man that’s not gonna look good on your shiduch resume,
They are talking about a real resume!!!
This was News to me when I found out. I knew that people go to Shadchanim and tell them information about them in order for them to find a good match, but an actual resume that you can go around and hand out like you are looking for a job seems a little absurd to me. Imagine talking to your friend and the conversation goes like this
“Hi Faigy, how are you its been so long, are you seeing anyone?”
“Things are great Shprintza, living in the heights I have so many close girlfriends but no Im not dating anyone right now.”
“Well I may know some people, what type of guy are you looking for?”
“Hold on one sec….. let me just grab you a resume printed on pink paper sprayed with perfume that describes who I am perfectly and what type of guy I am looking for.”
“Ok great this looks perfect, I will pass this on to all my friends and you be married in no time”
“Thanks Shprintza you are the best”
I think that’s enough said on this topic. Onto the next one. The religious guys.
Now I’ll be honest. I really don’t know how things go down from this side that well, cuz lets be honest im not friends with many men that would fit into this category. From what I know/think, these guys will pretty much go out with any girl. As long as they fit the one quality of having a white tablecloth on Shabbat they are good enough to go on a date with. Then they pull off the classic, hotel lobby and a board game. We’ve all seen these dates taking place, and when they walk down the street making sure to have a car length between them.
If this is how you feel is the correct way to go about finding your bashert, then please continue doing so. I wish you all the best and hopefully soon enough you will not have to worry aboout this issue anymore.
If you think this way doesnt make sense then stay tuned for Pt 2, where I will discuss the more modern shidduch crisis and maybe thats where you fit in.
For a good read and laugh, heres an article about how much money the Star-K has given out for Shadchanim. Absurd. How is that at 22 women are considered old. I feel bad for you girls out there, I really do. Your biological clocks are ticking
If anyone wants a copy of my resume, please let me know and I can send it out.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
This got a whole discussion about germs started that I thought was really interesting, and of course I got a little riled up about.
After making fun of A. another coworker B started talking about what she does when she goes on vacation. B said that whenever going on a vacation she brings flip flops for the shower.
Anyone reading this that has ever gone to YU knows that flip flops are sometimes a necessity, and therefore I had no right to make fun of her for that since it is a completely valid worry.
We all have seen those documentaries on TV when they show footage of hotel rooms, and the sheets so we have all seen what can happen.
But then B kept going. She went on to say that when she is in a hotel she makes sure to bring Ziploc bags to put the remote controls in in order for her to use the TV.
ARE YOU SERIOUS???????
Where does she think people are putting those remotes, I can think of some inapropriate places but none of them sound like it would be comfortable to place there.
Just try not to lick the remote when your hungry and I think you should be ok from catching the clap.
I couldnt help but make fun of her for this. How can you ever enjoy a vacation if you are always thinking wat germs may be on everything you touch.
Take New Yorkers for example. At first we all though it was gross to go on the subway. Everytime we touched one of those poles to make sure we dont land in the lap of a smelly homeless guy, we made sure to have purell on us at all times to clean up.
But after long enough you just kinda get used to it. Yes I know many of you still use purell after each subway ride, but all those others can admit, we jsut kinda gave in to the fact that if we didnt get sick last time then my purel bottle was empty then I wont get sick this time, Ill just wash my hands when I get home. Then you forget to do that also, you eat dinner and low and behold everything is fine in the end. You dont have an STD from the metal poll. (except for that one time)
Tell me if im wrong, and granted I have no scientific proof to this, but TRUE or FALSE there are more people nowadyas with allergies.?
I cant help but think the answer to this is true. How mnay people do you know that are allergic to Peanut Butter, or nuts, or have Oral Allergy Syndrome, or allergic to dust.
After doing a tiny and when i say tiny, i mean the size of a mouse's u know wat, I have learned that most allergies come from being exposed to somethign that you are not used to. If you are exposed to poison Ivy enough your body will just treat it like any other leaf.
We need to let our kids roll around in the mud all day. Force peanut butter when they are kids instead of thinking maybe they are allergic so we should keep it away from them.
I feel bad for all of you with allergies, I am sure it sucks, and there really is nothing you can do but just live with it and hope you dont find out your allergic to anything else. Who knows, you could be at a waterpark having a great time and then all of the sudden break out in hives and not be able to breathe and then noone can figure out what your allergic too.
Damn those Honey nut cheerios.
But just dont make things worse by preventing your body from being exposed to new things, theres only one way to learn if you will be able to handle the germs on a remote control, and trust me that is not by using a plastic bag.
You may as well walk around in a bubble all day. (bubble boy, awful movie)
Aight so not really sure why people will be entertained by this, but you never know. Just keep reading all the posts to make sure you dont become allergic to them. The more exposure to this the better, your body will build up the ability to find me funny and amusing.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Well I hope you havent missed me too much over the last few days.
In this Edition I will discuss my opinion on Frum Girls On Vacation (FGOV).
Preface: I in no way am singling out any specific person that I know. If anyone reading this post takes offense to anything I write I truly apologize, but I am just going based off of stereotypes of what I, and most other people see on vacation. If you fit that description, then you can either take my advice or just completely ignore me.
OK where to start. There are many different types of FGOV's.
I will first start with the "I am super religious but still want to go on vacation to a hot place with beaches, so im gonna go out and by new long sleeve shirts and skirts that reach the knees but will look good on a beach" girls. They usually dont have any guy friends with them.
When you head to Miami beach for winter break and you see a group of 4 girls. All sitting on the beach with thier blue and white striped shirts with sleeves to thier wrists. And grey skirts flowing in the wind, and you watching just hoping maybe the wind will blow the skirt up a little more. These girls just want to get a nice vacation on a beach and need to work on thier tans, yet they will never remove this clothing that they have on. If you took a match and lit thier shirt on fire, they would still keep it on in the name of hashem. You can also notice these girls as the ones who will never go past thier ankles in the water. You may think its cuz its too cold but really they dont want thier clothing to get wet and maybe become tight or see through.
Heres my issue with these girls. If you are really too religious to be going into the water, and take a risk of people being able to see your clothes wet, or any part of your skin.
Why the hell are you going to a beach for vacation?
Just stay home. If all you want is a tan, go in your backyard or central Park for some sun. Why spend money to travel to a place with a beach if you cant really use it. Also, if you really are that religious then you shouldnt feel comfortable going to a beach to begin with. Yes maybe you are covering up and being Tznius, but is anybody else doing this. Miami beach is a topless beach and plenty of young good looking men like myself will be walking around in nothing but a bathing suit. Why put yourself in such a situation that will lead to maybe tempting yourself.
This is the next group. The ones that walk around on vacation with a skirt on, and sleeves hovering around the elbow but by the time the trip is over the sleeves have become just a bit shorter to help with that tanline. This group usually is traveling with guys or meets up with them at some point.
This is the girl that we have all grown to love have we not. The frum girl just waiting to go wild. Everytime shes with her friends wearing less clothing she just wishes she can be like them, but holds strong cuz she doesnt want her other more religious friends at home to find out. While on the trip with her friends she will wear a bathing suit under her outfit. If the time comes to actaully go into water then we have 2 options here.
1. Some decide to go with the Surfer shirt and long board shorts
2. Some decide to keep on the full outfit.
But once are out of the water they will make sure to get changed back into dry clothing as to not show off too much of thier body.
In case number one, I dont mind that you want to stay covered, I respect that to a point.
BUT, when you put on those swim shirts, you dont realize how tight they get when you get out of the water. They show pretty much every curve of your body. So I am not sure what Tznius you think you are preventing, in fact it could even be worse then just wearing a tshirt.
For the girl who keeps her skirt and shirt on while going in the water, I have nothign against it except for the fact that I think you look like a retard. Why is someone going swimming or going to relax in a hot tub while wearing a long skirt and a long sleeve shirt. People are going to think you are an alien or something, and are allergic to water. May as well put on a pair of socks so I dont get turned on by your toes. Some people do have toe fetishes, just sayin.
Example 2 (same girls fo Group 2)
This example is when these group 2 girls are on a trip with just other girls. OR they are with guys and girls but have a separate time with just girls.
These girls decide that once the boys are not around and we are on a beach or pool with total strangers that hey Now I can just wear my bathing suit. I mean hey I have a great body, why should it stay hidden from the sun right.
Now please explain to me why its ok to turn on a stranger on a beach, who by the way may also be Jewish for all you know, but it is not ok to turn on your freinds? I mean cmon we are guys too, let us see the goods. Or is it that God doesnt exist on a beach when you are with your freinds.
I guess the questions comes down to this.
Why do you cover yourself up to begin with? Is it to be tzniut for yourself? is it to be tzniut in front of people that you know? Or should you be tzniut for Hashem becasue that is what you learned to do?.
If its for yourself i dont understnad how you can ever not be covered up, just because you are on a beach doesnt mean you dont need to watch the way you dress. If its for god, of course the same thing applies unless we go with the original idea of god only existing in non vacation places.
And finally if it for your friends, that us guys cant see you like that, cmon does that really make any sense. If some christian mcchristiansan can see you in a bathing suit then so can Menachem mendel.
So to sum up my view on the issue even though I could prob rant on about this stuff forever.
In no way am i telling you FGOV's out there how you should act becasue after all who am I that you should be lsitening to. But all I want is for you all to take a few moments and really think about why you dress the way you do on vacations. And this goes both ways.
If you do it truly for religious reasons and dont want to show anything I respect that. And if you truly believe that you can show skin I respect that as well.
But for you inbetweeners that I beleive are confused with who they think they should be. Think about it. Just becasue my friends at home would look down on me for wearing a bathing suit, is that really a reason to not do so, even though you would feel comfortable in one. Or Just becasue you are with friends who are wearing less, is that a reason to wear less to jsut fit in.
Im all about not being fake and staying true to who you are. Obviously finding out who you really are is a long and rough journey that some of us may never fully accomplish, but at least we can try and put in some effort.
And obviosuly I hope you all know what my true opinion is.
The less clothing the better!!!!!!!!
Gotta love my Jewish Girls Gone Wild.