Thursday, May 26, 2011

The chicken rapture

Hello my esteemed colleagues.
It has been quite some time since I have blessed you all my abundance of knowledge of the world. I guess I have been too focused on getting ready for the end of the world this past week that i just wasn't able to focus on anything else.
Lets discuss this VelociRapture a bit here. So some 89 year old guy in Oakland is a preacher. He studies the bible many times, and then comes up with 3 holy numbers. After multiplying these holy numbers he gets 722,500 days. SO since the day of the crucifixion that was May 21st. Now how in the world do people start believing this shit. It took me until today when I felt reborn from surviving, that it finally hit me. Us Jews do this all the time. in 2 ways. 1st - how often do we follow someones opinion that we think know the Torah more than us without questioning it. They are the Rabbis they know what they are talking about and we blindly follow them sometimes without thinking. and 2nd - ever heard of a thing called Gematria, taking random numbers and making meaning out of them.

Topic 2 - Its been a while so im gonna cram a bunch of stuff in here
The Cereal Chicken Cook Off
Some of you may have heard that this past shabbat when we were preparing to die, some of us in the heights had a cereal chicken cook off. The rules were simple.
Make chicken using cereal as a coating.
5 entries were put in
1. Cocoa Crispies and Cayenne pepper - Joey
2. Special K with strawberries - Gitzy
3. Capn Crunch with a chipotle sauce - Doueck
4. Reeses Puffs - Reina (Aviva)
5. Capn Crunch and pretzels - Yours truly

Now I have been taking some slack for my lack of creativity since my chicken was very similar to that of a certain restaurant in teaneck, but hey at least mine was edible.
Every gave a valiant effort, but some fell very very short with the chicken really not quite hitting the spot. I will leave it to the imagination as to which ones were good and which were not, but with my homemade Garlic Mayo I was able to take the crown home by a landslide vote.

Topic 3 - Free concert tickets
Lets just say im on a roll right now. Things are going my way. Last week I was notified that I got 2 free tickets to see a live performance of Brad Paisley. This was in midtown on a rooftop bar and it was a taping for the Macys 4th of July spectacular. how can I say no to that right.
Then while waiting in line we receive yellow post its(who knew how powerful these could be) Everyone who received a Post it was taken up first and put right in front of the stage to be in the cameras view. And if you think it couldn't get better, I got him to sign my cowboy hat. So far so good.
Then this week I received notification that I got 4 free tickets to the Black eyed peas concert on June 9th in central park. So if anyone is around for Shavuot and is interested in walking down from the heights with me or meeting me in central park, I am accepting bribes.
The moral of this is I hope its the beginning to a great summer of fun free activities for all(but I guess if you want a shot at these things you may want me to sign up for you)

Okay thats it for now
Ill try to keep these coming a bit more often since people have been complaining they are too bored at work..

Some light entertainment

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Uncle Avi

As most of you know today is Yom Haatzmaot. Israel Independence Today. Because this year it was pushed off one day this year, it now share the same birthday as my new niece.

Thats right folks, I am now UNCLE AVI. (Sorry uncle yonah heller for stealing your thunder of coolest uncle with girls)
My Brother and sister in law have just had a baby girl.
Today is a great day to celebrate.

Drinks on me later!!!?!??!?!?!

Peace out

Uncle AC

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


Well to all my avid readers I want to thank you for your constant support and criticism.
I will finally bless you all with a long awaited post for many.
My opinion on a girl in BOOTS.
As the summer finally begins the Boots are almost completely fazed out of a girls wardrobe, so after reading this you will be teased for the next 2 seasons until finally you can explore what I will explain to you here today.

Everyone has a different thing that they first notice when looking at someone of the opposite sex. It could be their clothes, their face, their body type, (their personality), or even their hair.
but some people like me are drawn to what type of shoes they are wearing. Not to say I am not focusing on other things, but if I am walking in the streets of Manhattan and I see 2 girls walking next to each other. One is wearing boots and the other is wearing flat shoes, I am instantly more attracted to the one in the boots. this is before I even see the face.

Now the first question you may ask, are there specific types of boots that are better than others?
Great question.
All in all a boot is a boot and all are acceptable to me. But some are better than others depending on what else the girl is wearing.
1. Uggs - many of you may think, uch gross,and most of the time you would be right but really they have their outfits that work perfectly. You always have the classic Jappy high school girl sweatpants and ugg.
2. The leather stripper boot - you pretty much cant go wrong with this one. You have the zipper ones all the way up, or the strap ones, but all are good. Just don't overdue the actual stripper outfit which may take away from it.
3. Rain boot - wats not to like. In fact this is the boot I am personally most jealous about. If it was acceptable for a straight man to wear rain boots, I would be the first one to jump on that train. It would make walking in the rain so much more enjoyable instead of ruining a pair of shoes and pants.
4. The cowboy Boot - now this one is not that common, unless your at a rodeo or a rascal flats concert, but when pulled off with a pair of cutoff jeans, I mean what can be hotter.
5. Are there any other types of boots? If so please let me know.

So ladies and gentleman, you have now learned of my boot fetish that I have.
You may think its a crazy idea but the next time you are out walking just check it out for yourself. I have changed the way many of my friends now walk the streets of Manhattan.
But just be aware to pick your head up every once in a while so you don't walk into polls, cuz that would just be embarrassing.

For all you ladies I hope you will now be aware next time your are walking in the streets and you are thinking to yourself, guys are such pigs, my eyes are up here. Really we are just checking out your Boots, not your other four letter word body part starting with a Boo.

Peace out Yall