Monday, March 7, 2011


As many of you already know, there have been some very severe contagious outbreaks of FOMO over the last few years. This disease has really come out of nowhere, to now affecting every major race in the world.

For those who have never heard of this disease let me take a few minutes to describe the symptoms.

FOMO, or Fear Of Missing Out, is generally noticed when someone has trouble being by themselves. If you ever come home to find your family uber excited to see you, this could be one fo the first telling signs.

Other symptoms include:

Not showering

not going to the bathroom

starting a blog

always running events and inviting other people

and most importantly.......being broke because he spends all his money doing every possible activity that his friends are doing.

This fear of missing the best event ever, sometimes can drive a man insane. Imagine being super sick, but one of your friends is having a party. not only that but you look on facebook and a girl you think is cute is going to be there. So here are your 2 options.

A. you go to the party. sick the whole time. dont even get a chance to flirt with the cute girl and come back dissapointed.

B. stay home, going crazy that you may be missing the ebst aprty ever, thinking that your best friend is hooking up with the girl and now your pissed off.

So you see no matter what you decide, the affects of FOMO will always destroy your night.

Some cures that have been tried are alcohol and drugs. These seem to work as an immediate cause but have thier fair share of side effects. Please refrain from taking more than 6 doses within a 24 hour period, and if the symptoms do not stop, please see a doctor immediatly.

Now lately there has been a new term coined.
The Blitz. Yes this is from HIMYM, but it really sums up FOMO perfectly. It proves to us that in fact if you do leave, then you will miss out on the most amazing nights ever.

However, I believe that I may have discovered a solution.

Think about the last time one of your married friends couldnt make it to one of your parties. Do you think they were actually feeling the affects of FOMO. I doubt it. Now think about if they have kids, even more so. Why do they need to get together with thier friends, they have all they can ask for in thier apt.

Now, everyone must take a minute and think about the consequenes though,
Is getting married actually worth getting rid of this disease. Think about it, your life is over, you wont be having any fun anymore and you wont even care what fun your friends are having.
We must all think about this dillema deeply before making a true decision.

Personally, I am just hoping our doctors can find another cure before I must make my decision.

Peace Out

The Gentleman


  1. i know some married guys with the disease. is that a bad thing?

  2. well aviva after further discussion with some married people myslef, I realise that it is not a 100% cure. It is more like a drug that just slows the process down as much as possible. Yes if all of thier friends are getting together they will def suffer from FOMO, but if 1 or 2 friends are getting together for drinks, the married man will be fine with taking the risk that nothin too special will happen.
    Little does he know, this is when the craziest stuff happens, like meeting Joan, or getting free shots from the Chase staff.

  3. Another known remedy (not acure mind you, simply a way to sooth the pain):

    When you find yourself in the situation of being turned aside by a staff member at any particularly awesome event. Don't hesitate to bribe, plead, cry, pray, beg, scream, yell, suck up, or fake your visa status (in no particular order) to attain entry.

    I assure you it will be worth it in the end.