The chicken rapture

Hello my esteemed colleagues.
It has been quite some time since I have blessed you all my abundance of knowledge of the world. I guess I have been too focused on getting ready for the end of the world this past week that i just wasn't able to focus on anything else.
Lets discuss this VelociRapture a bit here. So some 89 year old guy in Oakland is a preacher. He studies the bible many times, and then comes up with 3 holy numbers. After multiplying these holy numbers he gets 722,500 days. SO since the day of the crucifixion that was May 21st. Now how in the world do people start believing this shit. It took me until today when I felt reborn from surviving, that it finally hit me. Us Jews do this all the time. in 2 ways. 1st - how often do we follow someones opinion that we think know the Torah more than us without questioning it. They are the Rabbis they know what they are talking about and we blindly follow them sometimes without thinking. and 2nd - ever heard of a thing called Gematria, taking random numbers and making meaning out of them.

Topic 2 - Its been a while so im gonna cram a bunch of stuff in here
The Cereal Chicken Cook Off
Some of you may have heard that this past shabbat when we were preparing to die, some of us in the heights had a cereal chicken cook off. The rules were simple.
Make chicken using cereal as a coating.
5 entries were put in
1. Cocoa Crispies and Cayenne pepper - Joey
2. Special K with strawberries - Gitzy
3. Capn Crunch with a chipotle sauce - Doueck
4. Reeses Puffs - Reina (Aviva)
5. Capn Crunch and pretzels - Yours truly

Now I have been taking some slack for my lack of creativity since my chicken was very similar to that of a certain restaurant in teaneck, but hey at least mine was edible.
Every gave a valiant effort, but some fell very very short with the chicken really not quite hitting the spot. I will leave it to the imagination as to which ones were good and which were not, but with my homemade Garlic Mayo I was able to take the crown home by a landslide vote.

Topic 3 - Free concert tickets
Lets just say im on a roll right now. Things are going my way. Last week I was notified that I got 2 free tickets to see a live performance of Brad Paisley. This was in midtown on a rooftop bar and it was a taping for the Macys 4th of July spectacular. how can I say no to that right.
Then while waiting in line we receive yellow post its(who knew how powerful these could be) Everyone who received a Post it was taken up first and put right in front of the stage to be in the cameras view. And if you think it couldn't get better, I got him to sign my cowboy hat. So far so good.
Then this week I received notification that I got 4 free tickets to the Black eyed peas concert on June 9th in central park. So if anyone is around for Shavuot and is interested in walking down from the heights with me or meeting me in central park, I am accepting bribes.
The moral of this is I hope its the beginning to a great summer of fun free activities for all(but I guess if you want a shot at these things you may want me to sign up for you)

Okay thats it for now
Ill try to keep these coming a bit more often since people have been complaining they are too bored at work..

Some light entertainment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBq64t5zMjE

Uncle Avi

As most of you know today is Yom Haatzmaot. Israel Independence Today. Because this year it was pushed off one day this year, it now share the same birthday as my new niece.

Thats right folks, I am now UNCLE AVI. (Sorry uncle yonah heller for stealing your thunder of coolest uncle with girls)
My Brother and sister in law have just had a baby girl.
Today is a great day to celebrate.

Drinks on me later!!!?!??!?!?!

Peace out

Uncle AC

Bootylicious

Well to all my avid readers I want to thank you for your constant support and criticism.
I will finally bless you all with a long awaited post for many.
My opinion on a girl in BOOTS.
As the summer finally begins the Boots are almost completely fazed out of a girls wardrobe, so after reading this you will be teased for the next 2 seasons until finally you can explore what I will explain to you here today.

Everyone has a different thing that they first notice when looking at someone of the opposite sex. It could be their clothes, their face, their body type, (their personality), or even their hair.
but some people like me are drawn to what type of shoes they are wearing. Not to say I am not focusing on other things, but if I am walking in the streets of Manhattan and I see 2 girls walking next to each other. One is wearing boots and the other is wearing flat shoes, I am instantly more attracted to the one in the boots. this is before I even see the face.

Now the first question you may ask, are there specific types of boots that are better than others?
Great question.
All in all a boot is a boot and all are acceptable to me. But some are better than others depending on what else the girl is wearing.
1. Uggs - many of you may think, uch gross,and most of the time you would be right but really they have their outfits that work perfectly. You always have the classic Jappy high school girl sweatpants and ugg.
2. The leather stripper boot - you pretty much cant go wrong with this one. You have the zipper ones all the way up, or the strap ones, but all are good. Just don't overdue the actual stripper outfit which may take away from it.
3. Rain boot - wats not to like. In fact this is the boot I am personally most jealous about. If it was acceptable for a straight man to wear rain boots, I would be the first one to jump on that train. It would make walking in the rain so much more enjoyable instead of ruining a pair of shoes and pants.
4. The cowboy Boot - now this one is not that common, unless your at a rodeo or a rascal flats concert, but when pulled off with a pair of cutoff jeans, I mean what can be hotter.
5. Are there any other types of boots? If so please let me know.

So ladies and gentleman, you have now learned of my boot fetish that I have.
You may think its a crazy idea but the next time you are out walking just check it out for yourself. I have changed the way many of my friends now walk the streets of Manhattan.
But just be aware to pick your head up every once in a while so you don't walk into polls, cuz that would just be embarrassing.

For all you ladies I hope you will now be aware next time your are walking in the streets and you are thinking to yourself, guys are such pigs, my eyes are up here. Really we are just checking out your Boots, not your other four letter word body part starting with a Boo.

Peace out Yall

AC

Pesach

Where to begin when talking about Pesach.
There is so much to discuss from the past 8 days that I will try to include everything.
First thing first I need to discuss how ridiculous we are on this holiday.
This begins on the morning that the Holiday starts when thousands of Jews are driving in the streets with their cars overflowing with garbage.
I have no idea what non-Jews are thinking here. How crazy can we be? We cant have garbage sitting outside out house so we need to drive it to a communal garbage dump. They really must think we are a weird group of people.
I can tell you this year me and my dad were driving with garbage cans filled sticking out of our trunk and one of them fell out in the middle of the road.
I Had to pick it up and shove it back in the trunk.
WHO DOES THAT????
After getting out enough embarrassment from that I start to get annoyed when I start hearing about all of this years changes to rules for Pesach.
When I start reading the new rules I cant help but just hate the entire holiday and think that it all makes no sense.
Here are just a few things that drove me crazy.
1. Soy Milk - Now if you ask any Jewish person if you can have soy on pesach and they will say No because it is Kitniyot(don't get me started on that which is a whole issue on its own) However according to the OU, if Soy Milk is bought before the holiday begins, then you can use it on Pesach, but it can't be bought opn the holiday. Now this brings 2 issues to my mind. A) If it is kitnyot, then how the hell can buying it before the holiday begins make a difference, and B) you cant just claim that since Jews are lactose and tolerant that we are changing rules and allowing them to eat kitnyot on Peasch, if this is allowed the so should all other kitnyot, obviously there is nothing wrong with eating it.
2. On a similar note, eggs and Orange Juice - Both of these do not need a specific Pesach kashrut, which makes perfect sense, But again have to be bought BEFORE Pesach in order to be allowed to eat. Where is this logic. So if I buy eggs on chol Hamoed, then these eggs may have come from a chicken that was eating Chametz food on pesach and therefore in the egg there is Chametz.
REALLY???REALLY??????CMONNNNNNNNNNNNNN. This does not make any sense. Straight up ridiculous
3. Gubruchts - I have no idea if that is how you spell it but here's my issue with it. I have no problem with you deciding to keep this. You want to to be extra strict and make sure the already cooked matza doesn't somehow magically rise again, go for its your choice. BUT, to say that on the last day this rule does not apply is just plain absurd. You are basically saying, ok the last day of chag is not real therefore I can eat matza balls and maztah pizza because the halacha of eating unleavened bread does not apply anymore. but then you may as well just be eating a bagel and cream cheese already. To you it is exactly the same thing, you just dont realize because it is a "family minhag". So just think about that the next time you are eating your wet matza on the last day instead of a slice of pizza.
4. Egg Matzah - Now this one I am open for responses, but I just dont get it. How can it be that we cant eat egg matzah on pesach. I can understand not using for the seder to be extra strict. But what is the reason that We cant eat this during the rest of Pesach. Is it because there is a chance that the mixture of stuff being used to make actually did allow it to become leavened? But on the package it says that all the rules are followed while making this, but if Ashkenaz it should only be eaten by children and sick. And Sephard should ask a rabbi. If someone can explain this one to me I would be much appreciative, otherwise I will continue to eat it.

I definitely have more but cant think of them right now and I want to give you all something entertaining to read.
I will continue later.
(Rachel sorry this does not end with me hooking up with a 40 yr old woman)

AC

Kinect

Not sure how amny of you have televsion sets, but I am assuming most of you. If you do and have seen tv in the last year you would have heard of the New Xbox 360 Kinect. It is a system where like the Wii it is motion sensor, HOWEVER with the Kinect YOU are the controller.
Thats right, there are no controllers besides for your body being picked up by the sensor. After recently coming into some money due to March Madness, Thank you UCONN, I decided to go on my urge and buy a system for myself.
Now I still only have the game that it comes with, while I am waiting for the other games to come in the mail, But let me just try to explain to you the amazingness of this thing. When you move your hands, your character moves his hands. If you jump it jumps. You can be soaring down a river rapid and jumping over rocks, or flying in a room trying to pop bubble like in Willy Wonka.
Some of the games have multiplayer where you compete as a team to break objects with balls, or stop leaks in a cage under the sea. And some of the games you can compete against each other side by side.
The technology is remarkable.
It has face recognition and can determine which person is playing and switch the avatar to the one that they selected. The system also take pictures of you while palying the game, so if you want to strike a pose instead of focusing on the game you can end up with some cool pics, or you can be cought in a candid photo and it is quite hialrious. Basically everyone needs to play this system at some point in the near future and realise what technology has been able to accomplish. Whether its coming to my apt or another friends apt who ahs the system, or going to Toys R US, just do me a favor and try to play this. You will not be diisapointed.
Also you work up quite a sweat doing all of this jumping, and sterching and ducking that it will def help burn some of those pesach carbs that we will all be putting on over the holiday.

Til next time,

Peace out

AC

YU

So we all know how much I love YU right. I went on the joint Israel program, then stayed in YU for the extra year. I was an RA, and now I work there. I really am never going to leave am I. There's nothing wrong with still going to free events right?? right?? I would like to start off with a congrats to the New YU Presidential Fellows. The first round of offers have gone out and I wont say names yet since I dont think they have accepted them yet, but you guys know who you are. Now as much as we all love YU and have been brainwashed by it, Or even for those of you who hate YU and all that it stands for this video will make you laugh. I have never seen anything like this. The video is a kid in LA who videotapes himself opening his acceptance or rejection letter from YU Admissions. When i think of video acceptances, I think "The Real World Las Vegas" or other reality TV shows. It even makes me think of Legally Blond when she makes the video application to get into Harvard Law. BUT for YU I would never have though such a thing could exist. Just sit back relax and enjoy a good laugh with Aviv and his mom in LA. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHo98Wdutpo&NR=1 AC

The Mile High Club

Well the time has finally come to discuss my week in Denver. For those who do not know, I was sent to Denver for a few days to attend a conference for work. I can’t lie, although I was excited to go away for a trip, I was a little worried by the fact that I was going alone. I had no other coworkers, and this conference has close to 5000 people attending. As you can imagine this is quite intimidating. I didn’t realize how intimidating it would truly be until I arrived on Sunday and saw that I was the youngest person attending the conference by probably 10 years. After Moseying around Denver the first day before the conference started I got myself a Denver haircut. Great move on my part, it only cost 10 bucks. I’m thinking about flying out there every time I need a new one. The opening night ceremony was my first real experience at the conference. Everyone attending was in the Giant vendor hall room, where there were Bars lined up everywhere. Who knew that business folk on vacation like drinking alcohol just as much as Frat Boys. This was great news to me. After being really shy and not really meeting anyone I asked the waiter for the kosher meal. Obviously I was feeling quite embarrassed when they brought me over a tray of all this quadruple wrapped tin foiled packages of food. Felt like I was on the cruise again. But then when I sat down and opened it, I got Steak on a Bone. Can’t beat that, granted eating it with a plastic fork and knife was not easy, it was a delightful surprise. The next day after going to some seminars I finally started to really meet people. It’s weird to know that other universities know a lot about YU and actually care how things are being run there. I found 2 girls who were pretty much the same age and obviously non Jewish and attractive so I couldn’t help but hang out at their booth in the vendor hall most of the day. Turns out that after talking to other vendors, we discovered these girls were hired as booth girls. Brilliant move and I should have realized that 2 girls like that do not work with computer programs. In case anyone was wondering they both live in Denver, one downtown and the other in the foothills. One used to be a cheerleader in college, the other one is in school for architecture. That’s pretty much the extent that I know about them. Other Notable things on the trip. I was able to go swimming outdoors and use the outdoor hot tub at my hotel. That’s how much better the weather was there than in NY. I almost won a Nintendo Wii. One of the vendors had a Wii setup with a 3 point shootout game. Whoever scored the highest would win the Wii at the end of the conference. This one woman from BYU had 26 for a while, and then finally on the last day I tied her. We went to a shootout where I am sad to say I lost to a woman, and she already owned a Wii so I can’t believe she didn’t give it to me. Stupid Mormons. On the last night they had a closing reception. I had made some friend at this point, so after the comedy show we were hanging out and drinking at the event. Again this place is loaded with free alcohol. After getting pretty trashed with a bunch of guys we went upstairs to where an 80s cover band was playing. There a woman asked me to dance with her. Obviously I said yes and Yes she was old but I was drunk. After dancing for a bit she asks how old I am. I preface it with you don’t want to know. I tell her I am 25 which I’m not even, and she goes oh so you are the same age as my youngest daughter. It was AMAZING. Then they had video games setup around the hall and they had that rowing game. I’m sure many of you would recognize it from espn zone and D&B. Needless to say I was trashed and of course went to play it. With a bunch of drunk guys cheering me on, I rowed like never before and after finishing everyone was like that had to be the fastest time. BUT NO. I finished .08 seconds slower than someone else that night. Leaving me with another 2nd place finish on my trip. I couldn’t catch a break. I tried again, and on the verge of vomiting from this workout, I finished with the 3rd fastest time. It wasn’t my night. This really covers most of the fun stuff of the trip. The hotel was awesome. Had a half court basketball hoop there, I had a robe in my room which was awesome to relax in. Denver is cool, a lil too many poor people asking for money on the streets though which I thought was weird. But all in all a great trip and I didn’t have to pay for anything which was awesome. until Next years Conference in Nashville AC